


420 Crack It: A Dissidia Parody

by PsychoticKittenCat



Category: Dissidia Duodecim: Final Fantasy, Dissidia: Final Fantasy
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Relationships, M/M, Sexual Humor, craaack, dafuq is going on????, derp, will add more tags as i go on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-03-17 23:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3548048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoticKittenCat/pseuds/PsychoticKittenCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tidus is well on his way to becoming the Destroyer of Worlds. The Warrior of Light is FINALLY able to show emotions? Is the world coming to an end? Contains huge amounts of crack and sometimes it's just drabbles of crack.</p><p>A parody/I don't even know what the hell this is of Dissidia/Dissidia Duodecim because I haven't been watching enough MLG and random/weird Dissidia videos. It's clearly degrading my sanity and it isn't healthy. You need those Doritos every day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Under The Helm

**Author's Note:**

> The Warrior of Light always wondered what was underneath that helm...Perhaps he even saw it at one point and just wants to remember. But most importantly...
> 
> WHAT'S UNDER THE HELM!?

"Incompetent warrior, you cannot win against the likes of me!" The Emperor said, laughing _'Ungangangangangah!'_ as he charged the spell that took too damn long to charge. Seriously. Then, he heard some music that began to increase in volume. "What...what is that? Ah, it doesn't matter! Die!!" The giant thing from who knows where came from the sky and hit the Warrior of Light. But what's this? Did you see that? No? Let's take a closer look. The warrior lay standing. Unharmed.

 

"What is this sorcery!? I banned hacks from this server!!" The Emperor said as he was hit in the gut with the WoL's shield. Memes flew all over the screen as it turned all rainbow and screaming children. The warrior lay emotionless as he looked into the Emperor's eyes. "There are no such things as servers in this game. Now get out of my face. I've no time for the likes of you." The warrior stepped on the Emperor, making him cough up Doritos™ and fresh bottles of Mountain Dew. Then, a cyborg man thing jumped out of the crack in between their feet and yelled at Light. "THE MEMES _JAACK!!_ "

 

He disappeared as quickly as he came.

 

...........

 

_Lel._

 

The ever emotionless warrior tilted his head slightly at the strange thing that just happened in front of them. And just then, Exdeath appeared in front of him, yelling "Get the fruit!"

 

What does it mean!?

Before he could find out, the Warrior of Light was sent flying backwards and Exdeath was gone...and now he was in the Temple of Fiends. Garland was sitting in the throne, asleep by the looks of it. Watching his chest rise and fall slowly but steadily, the Warrior approached the gigantic man of a man. He ever so gently lay his hands on the helmet and then BAM! He was sent to the other side of the room while everything turned flashing rainbow lights and kids screaming all too loudly.

 

"What business do you have here Warrior?" Garland said, now in a fighting stance and ready as hell to attack. The man did not like to be woken up from a nap. WoL got up and sighed, putting away his sword. "I have nothing. Exdeath sent me here telling me to get a fruit. _The fruit_ for that matter."

 

"Ah, the fruit." Garland said, sitting back down and putting his weapon away. The warrior put his weapon away as well and tried to smile.

 

He tried so hard.

 

Garland offered him a seat next to him and the warrior sat next to Garland in an invisible chair. Yes, I said it.

 

"You know..." WoL said, looking away from Garland and pausing for a long time for dramatic effect that long since wore off. Garland sighed. "Yes?"

 

"Oh right. I always wondered what was underneath that helm of yours..." The warrior said, trying to peak from the little that Garland's helmet showed. Garland only smiled from underneath his helmet. "You cannot be serious. You want to see my face? ** _"_**

 

WoL remained quiet for a time, before he finally sighed and answered. "Yes."

 

"Hahaha! So be it then. But if you tell _anyone_ , **_ANYONE_**...about this? I will kill you. Or worse... _I will knock you down warrior._ Now do I make myself clear?" WoL gulped. He did not want to be knocked down. _Not by Garland_. "Deal."

 

Garland removed his helmet and then...

 

 

.......................

 

 

 

..................................................

 

Light be all like:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blue screen.

 

 _ **"God DAMN IT!!**_ " The warrior cursed and for the first time in his life...and lives probably...the stoic warrior showed emotion. Probably not for the first time, he broke down some pillars too. 


	2. The Soon To Be Destroyer of Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Tidus is the slammenist jammenist mayhem.

"Come on Squal!" Bartz said and then nudged his friend on the shoulder. Squall ignored the man and the other monkey man who were harassing him. "No."  
  
" _Kimen scwell_." Zidane smiled at his friend, who was losing it right now. "No!"  
  
" _ **SKWEEEEEELELELELELELELE**_..." Zidane was now pushing the poor brunette around. Squal proceeded to yell at the harasser monkey thing. "For the last time, I am not going to-"  
  
"He is the slamminist jamminist out there! HE! IS!!" Came a voice from behind and all three turned to look. Squall was hit multiple times in succession with a flurry of blitz balls. Just imagine this...but about 1000 times faster and with Squall's face as the goal.

 

"BOOM HEADSHOT!!" He cried as Squall hit the floor. Cecil jumped shortly after, trying his best to imitate Tidus but he was simply too fabulous...and it ended in an explosion of pink, white, and fabulous the moment he hit the ground.

  
_**M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-MONSTER KI-**_  
  
_***BOOM!!!***_  
  
_***BOOM!!***_  
  
_***CRASH***_  
  
_***SLAM!!***_  
  
Tidus laughed maniacally beside his father as the worlds collapsed around him. Jecht put a hand on his son's shoulder. "I'm so proud of you son...You are gonna make a damn fine Destroyer of Worlds one day."

Tidus be all:

"What's happening..." Firion said, leaving a trail of rose petals wherever he stepped. He looked upon the chaos happening around him and sighed. Yet another world to be destroyed at the hands of Tidus. " _Oh dear._ "


	3. Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Praise the sun.

" _Ah boy_. Okay, let's see the damage." Firion said and went down to the unconscious Squall. A completely crushed skull. _Yep..._

 

_Nothing major._

  
  
"YOYOYOYOYOYO. Listen dude. _LLIIISTENNNN_. I gotta plan. _Great plan. **Best plan**._ " Tidus said and grabbed Firion by the shoulders. Firion did a front flip just to prove he can and when he landed, he was wearing a pair of shades because I don't need to explain. Tidus became more and more excited by the minute. "I overthrow Chaos as god of whatever and everyone will be okay."

  
  
"Uh...yeah...I'm sort of concerned of what your definition of okay is." Firion looked at the worlds collapsing around him due to Tidus's very presence. He emanated chaos wherever he went. Truly, a god of discord in the making. Then, Tidus put a finger on Firion's lips. "Shhhh, shhh, shhh... _Everything will be okay. It'll all be_ _**okay**._ " 

  
"No more dreams...only tears now."

  
  
"Okay..." Firion said, raising his eyebrow at the frighteningly giddy Tidus. He only smiled. "Okay."

  
  
"Okay." Firion said again. Just how the hell did he put up with this all this time and why exactly did Cosmos recruit him again? To this he will never know. Something about a dragon? Was Tidus a dragon?

  
  
_Most probably._

  
  
" ** _OKAAAYYY...._** " Tidus then kicked Firion off what was left of the map and butterfly twisted into another dimension with his father close behind. Firion sighed and opened his eyes. Where was he now? A castle in the middle of...the sky. He looked around and rolled his eyes even more when he saw Exdeath praising the sun. Did a real sun even exist here? That was another thing he would never know...mostly because those objects were out of the map. Oh wait...he could go out the map. Firion tiptoed and held his arms up, praising the sun. 

 

 

Another warrior walked up to him and placed his hand on Firion's shoulder. Firion wasn't surprised. Exdeath probably put him here to get 'The Fruit' again, whilst he sunbathe and sunpraise. "Hey you. You look different."

  
  
"I can just barely express emotions now." The Warrior of Light said, twitching his lips into an awkward eighth of a smile. That was fucking adorbz. Firion looked at him dreamily and smiled. "I'm so proud of you Light. Soon you'll be able to know what it's like." 

  
"What what is like?" WoL raised his eyebrow. Also freaking adorbz. 

  
  
" _The feelz._ " Firion looked up at the sun and a single tear dropped down his face and hit the ground. Up came from it...a wild rose. Like always, WoL was not amused. He wasn't amused by anything. "Those sounds dangerous."

  
  
"They are. They destroy your heart sometimes but if you are strong enough to overcome them, then you will be reborn anew. A stronger man than ever before." The Warrior of Light raised his other eyebrow. "If you overcome it, then why would you need to be reborn? That gives the impression that you died while facing these feelz or whatever they're called." 

  
" _Shh. Shh. Shhh_...dear Warrior." Firion put a finger on the Warrior's lips and slid it down to his chin, looking towards the sun again. "No moar dreams. Only feelz now."

  
 Firion backflipped towards the sun and the Warrior of Light followed suit. 


	4. Meanwhile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...yeah.

 

"Guys...could you, could you just...stop. For once? Please?" Yuna asked as Tidus began wrestling with his dad, throwing pillars and blitz balls and black holes everywhere. Jecht crushed the poor kid's skull, only to have Tidus return the favor. There was blood everywhere whilst the two share a very touching father and son moment.

 

"Yo, what's going on here?" Lightning suddenly appeared from behind a pillar while holding Tifa's hand. Yuna let an exasperated sigh escape her lips as she replied to Lightning. She should have known better than to expect anything else. "The usual."

 

"BURN BITCH!!" Cloud yelled from the sky, launching several very slow fireballs. Sephy smirked at him and dodged the fireballs, getting behind Cloud and then pinning him to the wall just as Cloud turned to face him. Tifa and Lightning roll their eyes as Cloud and Sephiroth start feverishly making out.

 

_For once in his life, Tidus knows fear._

 

_**~~~~~ O ~~~~~** _

 

"Behold, warrior..." Firion said, looking upon the magnificent band that was Garland, Chaos, Cosmos and Golbez. They were making such beautiful music that made both Firion and the Warrrior of Light's ears bleed. Firion cried tears of blood that made Wild Roses sprout out from the ground as he looked upon the magnificent, sweaty men playing all sorts of beautiful music together. "Something even the Great Will cannot stop."

 

"Cosmos? Garland?" WoL walked up to the band and they stopped thrashing their instruments around like...thing. Cosmos looked up in shock as if she was doing something horrendous and incredibly embarrassing. Well with the way everyone was thrashing their instruments, they all had something to be embarrassed about. "What are you doing?"

 

"Ohoh, ehzz, ahaha...hehe...ha...ohoo..." Cosmos only replied sheepishly, making a very fail attempt at dodging the question. The Warrior of Light was not amused and turned to Garland, trying his best to glare at him. Cosmos excitedly ran to Chaos and started jumping up and down. He didn't know what was going on but Chaos did the same thing anyway. "Look Chaos! He's learning...Oh, I'm so proud of him!"

 

"PERISH!" Is all Chaos said whilst still jumping up and down with Cosmos. Garland was approached by the Warrior, who proceeded to summon his weapon and point it at Garland. Garland did the same and Firion got in between the both of them.

 

_Lel._

_ _

 

"I will not allow fighting in his _**Holy Sanctuary!**!_ 1!" Firion roared and the weapons in their arms disappeared. Garland and WoL only looked at the youth in front of them. He replied to the silent questions they were giving him. " _I have powers too_."

 

"O...kay." The warrior said and backed away. Firion snarled at him with a rose in his mouth. " _Fear me._ "

 

"Okay there sugar plum. No need to be stingy about things." Garland said and walked towards Firion like a swagman. He patted Firion's head as he walked past him and to the Warrior of Light. "What is it you want?"

 

"I could never get to see your face last time." The Warrior made a slight frown that Garland could only assume was his way of depicting sadness. Garland only tilted his head slightly to the side. "What last time?"

 

"Fuck." The Warrior of Light cursed to himself. _Data got erased too_. Garland waved a dismissive hand and grabbed the Warrior by the wrist, dragging him far away where he was sure no one could see. Firion followed them but was stopped by Garland.

 

"Oh I see. Snu-snu huh?" Firion asked and Garland nearly wacked his helmet off by the sheer force of his face palm. "No-just, what, whatever. Just get out of here already!!" Firion walked away and began chatting with Golbez. Garland could hear his hearty, sweaty laugh as he played the electric guitar while watching the two men walk away.

 

 _'Time to rock'_ , after all.

 

"By no means must you tell anyone about this." Garland said, facing away from the warrior. The warrior lips twitched upwards ever so slightly and he nodded. The moment Garland faced the warrior, WoL's jaw dropped.

 

Garland put his helmet back on and walked away. The Warrior of Light just stood there, jaw open and staring into the distance as described above. From that day on...

 

_The Warrior of Light was never the same again._


	5. Derp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tidus can be too energetic for his own good sometimes.

 

"I'm scared..." Tera said, watching Lightning and Tifa make out. Onion Knight held Terra's hand. "It's okay. I'll protect you. You've got nothing to worry about." Terra smiled at the cute damn thing cuz they're so freaking cute together. But all stopped when the ground began to crack and crumble underneath them. Lightning and Tifa continued to make out.

 

"Yo dudes. What's up?" Tidus popped up from a crack underneath both Terra and Onion Knight. He once again radiated chaos wherever he went and made explosions happen wherever he stepped. It was hard to believe that he didn't fly away from the explosions he made, but then again, it's _Tidus_ we're talking about. Lightning looked very pissed and Tifa only sighed. She was gonna have it rough later. _No one liked Lightning when she was rough_. If you're lucky you'd make it out alive. "We were kinda in the middle of somethi-"

 

"Turns out I don't care! Where's that assbutt Firion? And where the hell is Cecil?" Tidus said while spinning around and dancing with his Blitz Balls on both hands as shown below.

Lightning was not amused and Tifa was scared for her life. More for her hips for that matter. Tidus began frantically typing down a message on his phone and sent it to his friends. "YO 1 MISS MY BROS I HAVENT SEEN U IN SECONDS. **SSSSEECONNNDZZZXSKRILLEX**. W3R U 4T? I MISS U MAN"

 

"I'm currently dying right now. So please don't come and see me. You're gonna make me die even more." Cecil was the only one who replied. Firion failed to get the message. He was in a holy sanctuary right now, after all. Tidus smiled because he knew just by that text message where Cecil was...somehow. "1'LL B RITE D3R."

 

" _ **GOD DAMN IT!!**_ " Cecil threw his phone away.

 

"What's the matter Cecil?" Kain asked, putting on his pants. Oh yeah. _**U NO WUT HAPEN.** _

 

_**WHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHEUHUE** _

 

 

"We need to get out of here right now. Befo-" Cecil was unable to finish, as the whole damn map asploded and signalled Tidus's arrival. " **HHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!** "

 

Tidus crashed face first into the ground and unfortunately for Cecil, he still didn't have his shirt on. The man on the ground sprung up and didn't like what he saw. The moment he saw that both Cecil and Kain didn't have their shirts on, he be all:

 

 

" _Well shit_." Cecil said and Kain shrugged. Tidus ran away into the sun. Kain put a hand on Cecil's shoulder and smiled. "Well, now that he's gone..."

 

**~~~ PRAISE THE SUN ~~~**

 

"Wow were you _that_ rough with him? Are you always that rough in bed?" Firion asked Garland, looking at WoL. Garland looked at the warrior, who was unresponsive and still had his jaw open. He was still looking at Garland. He began slapping Firion relentlessly with a fish. "God damn it, _would you stop with that?_ I DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO HIM!"

 

" **YOYOYOYOYOYOYO!**!" Tidus tackled Firion and exploded. Once he regained his senses, Firion noticed that Tidus was on top of him. "You cannot believe how bored I am right now! Let's do something man. I'm bored."

 

"Like what?" He asked, pushing the overactive boy away gently. Tidus hopped up and down on his knees and looked around, suddenly becoming very grave when he noticed something odd about this place. "Waitaminute....this place isn't affected by my Aura of Chaos..."

 

Tidus looked around and then stood up, looking at the place with almost childlike wonder. Firion placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled. "This is the Sun Tidus. It is a holy sanctuary where not even Chaos and Cosmos themselves can be enemies. Not many people know about this place...it can only be seen and discovered by those who it chooses." 

 

Chaos, Cosmos, Garland and Golbez began playing their beaitufl moosix and Tidus's ears bled. He coughed up a Blitz Ball and started crying tears of happiness on the floor in sweet sweet agony. The look on his face was almost childlike look on his face from the same time of before the place when Firion was with WoL.

 

....................................................

 

 

_Wait wut?_


	6. Chapter 6

 

"Ugh...just what the hell happened to me?" Squal got up slowly, rubbing his head and waiting til his vision wasn't so damn blurry. When he regained his senses, he wished he had lost them again. Zidane was staring at him with the eyes of a killer as shown below, while wagging his tail. " _Hey Skwel_." 

 

"AAH!!" Squall pushed the monkey thing away and ran for his life, before Bartz tripped him. "Where are you going Squall?" 

 

"No...Please no!!" The monkey man and the mime each pulled out a feather from their pockets. Chocobo feathers. Squal backed away and looked on his captives in horror. Bartz smiled. "Take the feathers Squall!"

 

" **NOOO!!!** "

 

**~~~~ O ~~~~**

 

"Hey WoL...Geez, he's totally lost it." Firion said, waving a hand in front of WoL's face. Then, suddenly, he grabbed Firion's hand and drew his face close. Tidus nonchalantly pulled Firion away and WoL reverted back to his old self. Tidus proceeded to snarl at him. "Heyheyheyheyhey. No touchie my bishie."

"What?" Firion looked at him like he said something absurd. Tidus smiled at him and put his hand on Firion's neck, slowly squeezing until Firion couldn't breathe. " _You. Heard. Nothing_."

 

 

"What just happened to me?" WoL rubbed his helmet and... _ **FROWNED?!**_ Both Firion and Tidus couldn't believe their eyes and blood started pouring from their noses. Just then, the both of them had a wicked idea. They snickered to each other and the smile on Firion's face was absolutely wicked. The smile Tidus wore however was absolutely EVIL. 

 

"Well erm...Garland rekt u so hard in bed is what happened." Firion smiled sympathetically at Light. WoL frowned and a slight blush grew on his face. Firion and Tidus exploded because of the kawaii that is the Warrior of Light blushing. "Ah, I see...you didn't happen to hear or see anything did you?"

"We didn't see anything but you were _pretty_ loud." Tidus put in and the blush on Light's face grew even brighter. "Ah, I...I see. I'm sorry if I bothered you with it." 

 

"It's no problem at all! Let's just head back and let everyone know you're okay." Tidus said and they walked back to the others. As the three men walked back, Tidus and Firion laughed a laugh so evil it broke the game. The moment they got back, WoL spotted Garland and looked the other way with a red face and a frown. Although his air of...thing, was still there and he tried his best to stay calm and composed. Chaos and Cosmos were **_STUNNED_**. Cosmos cried in Chaos's arms. "I'm so proud of him Chaos..." 

 

"It's okay Cosmos...I know how you feel..." Chaos cried back, holding the goddess tightly. Cosmos smiled at him. "I can't...these feels are too much Chaos.."

 

As the two lovers began jumping up and down while thrashing the musical instruments about, Golbez approached Garland with a smile and put his hand on the other's shoulder. Garland glared at Golbez for the face he was making. Well, not that anyone could see anyways. But he could practically hear that evil smirk just by his voice alone. "Looks like you really did break the poor kid. Do you always have to be so rough and violent?"

 

Garland began to yell. "FOR THE LAST TIME, I DID NO-"

 

"That's it, I quit. Fuck everything in my life." Garland stormed away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Blitz Balls and Fangirling

 

"It's beautiful...Thank you so much for bringing me here..." Terra said, admiring the beauty of the field of flowers that the young knight brought her to. Onion Knight smiled at her and then looked to the field. "I'm just happy you're smiling again. It's always a great pain for me to see you sad."

 

"You're so sweet. No wonder I always feel safe with you." Terra gently squeezed the young boy's hand and he did the same with hers.

 

Exdeath and Cloud of Darkness...

 

**~~~~ DERP ~~~~**

 

 

"Garland, we must talk to you about something." Both Chaos and Cosmos said and gently pulled the armored bulk of man to a corner. Cosmos patted his head and he was not amused...but she was dayum was she adorbz when she smiled. The reaction he got though was something completely unexpected. "We must thank you."

  
  
"Wait _what?_ " Garland's eyes grew wide as a blitz ball hit his helmet.

  
  
"You taught him how to show emotions...now he's truly a sentient being." Cosmos looked on to her warrior, who was chatting away with Firion and Tidus. Something went wrong and Tidus began strangling Firion with a Blitz Ball. WoL began to panic as Firion thrashed about and then Tidus just suddenly stopped. Then everything returned to normal after that and they were laughing again. Firion coughed up a wild rose and Tidus sneezed out a blitz ball. Cosmos and Chaos continued to look at the dear warriors with a smile. "I must say though, you really broke him didn't you? Just how rough are you?"

  
  
"Oh for- **I DID NOT DO ANYTHING**. He asked me to take of my helm and I showed him my face. **THAT. IS. IT.** " Garland tried his best to make himself clear and it worked. Chaos and Cosmos both looked very disappointed. A blitz ball hit both of their heads.  "Oh...that's it? Well that's rather disappointing. I was hoping to hear details."  


"Screw this shit." Garland said and radiated his own light as he ripped off his armour, revealing a black suit complete with a red tie underneath. _Mafia style_. Garland pulled a sweet ass sniper rifle from his pants and spat out several bullets, spitting them into the cartridge. "I need to 360 someone. NOW."

 

Chaos and Cosmos gasped and a blitz ball hit their faces. Turns out Tidus was having a coughing fit and coughing blitz balls at their general direction. He was like a living machine gun of blitz balls. Firion tried his best to help him but then Tidus turned his way and Firion was barraged by Tidus's blitz balls...

 

........................................

 

 

Lel.

 

Garland spun and drilled himself into another dimension and the Warrior of Light followed suit, sensing there was something wrong. As soon as they arrived into the other dimension, the Warrior of Light walked up to Garland and put his hand on his shoulder. "What is it Garland? What happened? Did they do something wrong? Did I...did _I_ do something wrong?"

 

 

 

" _ **ASKDSKDFKLFJSLDKGHALDJFLAK**_ " Was Garland's only response. That is, until they heard someone horribly singing and shouting in the distance. Garland pulled another rifle from his pants and gave it to the Warrior. The Warrior pulled out two pairs of shades from his mouth and licked the lenses with a predatorial look in his eyes, his tongue gliding slowly and smoothly over their thick frame. It almost looked erotic until you remembered that he pulled those pair of shades from his mouth and those were _sunglasses_ he was licking. He gave one to Garland without even looking at him and put the other pair on. They headed for the sound and the Warrior heard the familiar voice of the monkey boy in the distance.   


 

"Oh hey guys!" Zidane said, looking at the both of them with the best face the entirety of man has ever seen. He was moving with both Squal and Bartz into what he assumed to be the VNV Nation Remix of Das Ich - Destillat. _Go._ Search it up on youtube, click the first one you see (should be 6:07 mins long), and skip to the 0:32 mark while looking at both gifs. No scratch that, just **the last gif**. Do it. _**I dare you**_.

 

  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome.


	8. Dance Off

_Turn and face the music._

_Turn and face the music now._

_Turn and face the music._

 

"Get ready guys." Bartz said as the two men in tight leather spendex listened to the beat of the music, getting ready for their dance off to see just which one is...reasonz. One of them, a monkey man, was in a skin tight light lavender suit decorated with flowers and eagles because I don't know. The other, an emo brunette, was wearing tight pink body suit full of frills and cotton candy.

 

_Bust a.. Bust a.. Bust a Groove!_

 

"I will never ever run away! I'll be here to fight another day!" Zidane spun in an elegant pirouwette  and entered Trance mode, making the stage turn into pink and white bubbles. Boom bada bing. The stage was all his. "I will make you realize, I'll always be right by your side. Now our love is sanctified, I'm here to bust a groove!"

 

"Bitch I _breathe_ fabulous." Zidane said as he powerslid into oblivion. Squall only flicked his hair and walked into the stage. Like, imagine this but with Squal's face plastered on her head.

 

 

 

You're welcome.

 

"Tch. Child's play. Check me out." Squall spin around while twirling a ribbon around him, cartwheeling into a flying summersault and then spinning into a drop kick while backflipping into a split. How the hell that happened, you know I don't know how Squall works. "U ain't got nothin on this shit pink monkey man."

 

"How _dare you_ insult my pink." Zidane hissed at the other and they both looked to Bartz, who had a bannana stuck up both of his ears and was currently beside WoL, Garland, and a boom box. Squall did another flip of his hair and eyed the other diva menacingly. "Bitch I'm emo. I can do what I want."

 

"Eh, I'd say that Squall would probably win." Bartz said and Squall threw his arms around the youth, sticking his tongue out at Zidane. The monkey man only hissed at the other while throwing his arms up and twirling into a summersault. " _Fuck you emo man_."

 

"WoL?" Garland asked, throwing popcorn at his own helmet and letting it fall away. The warrior looked at him, sensing the concern in his voice and also gently throwing popcorn at his friend's face. "Yes, my friend?"

 

_"What are we doing with our lives?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I listen to Bust A Groove again.


	9. What the Fuck is Happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...yeah. This happened.

"Okay, guys, wwat the fuck just happendnen? " Zidane shouted and everyone looked at him weird. "ISDKDK HTE FUKG HAPPENE 2 MAH SPEEAD?"

"Just follow your heart, my friend." Tidus saluted Zidane and the monkey boy got into a fancy ass race car and drove off. There was a crash in the distance and Zidane screamed. Tidus smiled triumphantly.

"What's up YO?!" Seymour Guado suddenly popped up from nowhere, crossing his arms so hard they snapped off. "Shhhit."

"What are YOU doing here!?" Yuna yelled and Tidus picked his nose. Seymoy huffed and snapped around like the drama queen he is. "Just because I'm not as pretty as you, it doesn't mean we can't hang out GURL!! I swear Yunie, you're so mean to me!"

"Se-"

"No! I can't take this anymore Yunie!" Sueymey did a full 720 and turn and an extra 180 just so that he wouldn't be facing Yuna. And, in the process, his arms somehow snapped back into his...arms?

Anyways, he somehow also got hold of a phone and some tissue. To which he used and started crying like this guy.

 

 

"I'm calling the cops on you Yuna!" Saymer cried. His tears streamed down his face like waterfalls and...then, he kinda just started drowning in them. Yuna rolled her eyes. He was such a drama queen...

 

"BBBLFFFHGKFLFKGLDL!!"

  
"I'm sorry Sir, I can't understand you." Came Garland's voice from the other side of the phone. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks as a blinding light came from behind them. Suomey's tears which, surprisingly, only drowned him evaporated due to the sheer graphics of the one standing behind him. Seymour looked, his tear stained face glistening beautifully against the light.  
  
  
...

 

......

 

.........

 

That is, of course, until his tears began to boil shortly after turning his head to look at the light source. Soymoy's head caught fire and he backflipped several times before exploding. No one minded though. That guy comes back, what? Two times after you kill...or three times? Fuck it. I forget. The point is, the dude's a freaking zombie.

 

Anyways, everyone looked in amazement at the Warrior before them.

 

 

"I'm in HD." The Warrior of Light said in all his surprisingly girlish beauty. I mean, fucking hell, do you see that mascara? He's fucking beautiful is what he is. Zidane who, much to Tidus's dismay, was alive and well had just finished his drive around the world. He Tokyo drifted, failed miserably, his car went out of control and crashed yet again. After Zidane got out his already exploding car exploded a second time due to the sheer beauty of WoL's face.

 

"OMG WTF BBQ!?" Zidane yelled and only received a sly grin the Warrior.

 

"The fuck barbeque? More like..." WoL nodded at Zidane. "The fuck are you?"

 

Zidane looked at his face somehow and even he was in HD!

 

 

"OMFG WAHT HTE FKUC IS ISHT PORQUE SI!?" Zidane yelled, too surprised by his sudden HD-ness to form proper words. He looked around himself. The clouds were in HD. The ground was in HD. Tidus was in HD.

 

 

Even the booger that Tidus was picking earlier was in HD! And I swear to God, if this gets deleted AGAIN, and I have to re-write this chapter a THIRD TIME Imma stab Tidus's booger.

 

"What the fuck is what?" Seymour said and popped up from behind everyone. The moment was ruined forever and they all groaned in frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SUPER HYPED for the new Dissidia! Praise the sun baby!! (\^D^/)
> 
> P.S. I know how to spell barbecue, don't worry.


	10. ANGR

  
"Soymoy, what tha fak is this shet?" Zidane asked, pointing at the sudden dancing man in front of him. 

  
  
"Don't talk to me Ziddy, I'm too busy being a dramam queen!!" Sumey dramatically spun around thrice and landed in a split, yelling as he did so. "Hwah!!"

  
"Dafuq was that, a battle cry or something? Also, what defek is a dramam?" Zid.

 

_Dafuq was that?_

  
"Dudles. You're asking way too many questions man." Bartz said and Zidane nearly slapped the poor bastard with his hair when he spun around. He then proceeded to yell at the man until his speech became an entirely different language. "Shat the fak ap! Shat the fak ap! Ap the shat fak! Fak the ap shat!"

 

And then another brunette joined the fray...

  
  
"Oh, look at me! I whine, am super emo and have markings on my face just to prove how dramatic I am!" Squall sarcastically said and then realized that also applied to him. "Oh..."

  
  
"Get outta here Squalle." Zidane said with his signature smile. Squall just whined like the weenie he is and ran off a cliff. He teleported right back beside Zidane. "Right back to Squale one huh?"

  
  
" _I HAAAYYT YEEEW_." Squall hissed at him and slowly fell into the ground. He then began to sing 'Goodbye My Lover' by James Blunt as he fell out of the map. James Blunt looked at the poor creature who was unfortunate enough to fall out of the map....

 

Well, there was supposed to be a picture of him here but apparently I can't use it. I looked through the whole video just to find a perfect screenshot too. God damn it James Blunt you failed me.

 

  
  
James Blunt explodes because of my rage. Firion is speechless. Squall then pops up from out of the map and yells at Firion so hard that the latter skyrocketed into another dimension, using roses as his fuel. The brunette looks at him in awe. "Man...that guy's gonna make it far."

  
  
"You're gonna go far if you don't get your ass out of here you lil shet." Zidane made the empty and nonsensical threat with a smile.

  
  
"Pff. I've reached my limit, you idiot." Squall simply scoffed. "My accuracy is like 100% arcucacy pernect."

  
  
"Uh...what?"

  
  
"Percent! Don't you know what a percent is?"

  
  
Tidus screamed like a goat and caught no one's attention.

  
  
"..."

  
"It means I'm really good at hitting my mark. Check it." Squall aimed his gun in front of him and shot. Then the bullet somehow ended up in his leg. "AAAAHHH!!" Squall then flipped his hair so hard it almost flew out of his scalp. "Ya see that monkey-punkey? I meant to do that."

  
"Uh-huh." Zidane raised his eyebrow at the accuracy man and then glared at the him...

  
Exdeath.

  
For whatever fucking reason.

  
"If ya don't getit RITE NAO...IMMA KICK UR ASS." Zidane made an empty threat once more. He raised his foot. "IMMA KICK IT EXDEATH."

  
**_"IMMA KICK IT."_ **

  
The much taller one of the two didn't budge, he was a tree after all. I really don't know what the hell Zidane was thinking but he yelled and tried to attack anyways. Trying his best to flying kick the other male, Zidane Tribal only succeeded in flailing his limbs so badly they wouldn't stop flailing. Before he knew it, he was glitching in the air.

  
**_"HHHEEEEEEELLLPP!!"_ **

  
"I'll teach you to mess with me!" Firion said and superhero landed in a field of roses...somewhere. Zidane heard him for some fucking reason and then yelled. **"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING YA FAKING PES OF SHYET."**

 

The monkey boy then concentrated his Chi to try and get revenge on the rose man but it didn't work. Zidane Tribal only succeeded in making himself fall out the map. Firion's rose power was just too much, and he was just so fucking angery!! LOOK AT HIM. LUK AT HOQ ANGR HE ES.

 

_NEVERMIND I CAN'T POST IT APPARENTLY._

 

 **FAKING HELL FIRION U FAYLD ME TWO 2**. The rose man explodes because of my rage. The stage explodes because of my rage. Squall explodes because of my rage. Zidane explodes because of my rage. You explode because of my rage. Everything explodes because of my rage. **GOD IM JUST SO FAKING ANGERY!!!**

**AAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaaaaAAAA!!!**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surry abot asploding u I hop ur okeh.


End file.
